The Cryx scare the piss out of me. I wish I could play their style, so badly, but they're fragile and seem perpetually outnumbered in all the games I've seen them in. Maybe the Cryx can play a game of numbers, I know I just don't like their infantry. Either way, that's a sexy looking giant evil assassin steampunk robot, and that's a rare thing...

Skorne Re-Visited.

Ok, so last night I was at the shop, and I realized something: I have no idea who the Skorne or Menoth REALLY are, because I'd already told myself that they're not my style. The reasons being that I'm not into the "continuous fire" game mechanic of the Menoth, and the Skorne seem like Khador for Hordes, and I don't want to run mirrored factions. So I delved into a bit of their lore. This is what I've got.

The Skorne are the Persian Empire of Immoren. They are DEEPLY interested in the study of souls and death, and they study the Trollbloods to death, fascinated by their souls, which go DOWN, as opposed to UP after the individual dies, because Trollbloods are tied to earth and stone. They also recently learned about the Retribution of Scyrah, which reincarnates, unless the newborn is born soulless (which is an increasing phenomenon in the game world). The Skorne have the best light beasts in the game, allowing you to force an opponent to re-roll or to roll an extra dice to add to your previous two dice, turning many near-misses into hits. They also have a handful of dinosaurs, recently getting a pterodactyl. Persians with dinosaurs? YES.

However, their premier beast is the Titan, which is this big, four-armed beast. The Skorne generally mistreat their warbeasts, which is their way with everything. Torture is their day-to-day. Titans are epic slam machines. A slam is a "power attack," costing either one focus (for Warmachine), or putting one fury on said warbeast (for Hordes). Basically they bum-rush the other guy and knock him down, which means that anyone who wants to give him a sharp poke in the ribs can do so without any effort, meaning they have to roll for damage, rather than roll for attack. Anyone with a gun can bust off a shot and hit automatically too (unless they roll snake-eyes), since the target is incapable of dodging. While knocked down, the target cannot attack either, and it must be given one fury, or spend on focus to get up, unless it choses to forfeit either its move or action. That's devastating, and personally, it sucks to be knocked down. Additionally, if the target is a warjack knocked down in shallow water, its boiler goes out and the jack is inert for the rest of the game. You can't start up a furnace that's full of soaked coal. Warbeast don't have this problem BUT warbeasts are subject to being poisoned where jacks are not, which makes up for it.

The Skorne have really cool stuff, like saber-toothed tiger cavalry, a unit of harpooners (which can drag the target toward them, and away from whatever protection it had), and a bunch of really cool casters. The battle-box caster reminds me of Voldo from Soul Caliber, and that's awesome, because Voldo is DELIGHTFULLY creepy. 

Morghoul. Wait, Voldo. Uhhh...Volghoul? Mordo. 

 Morghoul is, I guess, some kind of assassin-caster, which is pretty sweet. Guess which picture is which guy. However, having an assassin-caster is a gamble though, because if you have offended the dice gods, you pretty assuredly lose, having delivered the one kill they need to win right to the guys most capable of killing him. Open mouth, insert foot-cannon. 

Its only creepy because of his horrible poses and tight clothing.
You know what, that's really all he is, weapons aside.

Battle Report: Cryx vs. Cygnar

This was the initial table set-up. Warma-Hordes uses a 4 foot by 4 foot table, and the shop here has one custom made for them, with two 4 by 6 tables there too. Ignore the phone on the table. It has no effect, and is not actual terrain. The three patches of trees are forests, which slow people who enter that do not have the ability, pathfinder. People on the hills get a slight bonus to defense. The two players were Orlando and Jason. Both of whom are pretty awesome. Jason was playing Cygnar, and Orlando was playing Cryx.

Jason's List:

Major "Siege" Brisbane

Reinholdt, Goblin Speculator

10x Trenchers

6x Rangers

1x Defender Warjack

Orlando's List:

The Witch Coven of Garlghast

Deathjack

1x Ripjaw

1x Defiler

1x Skarlock

2x Pistol Wraiths

Orlando spread his guys thin and made a...particularly reckless advance. Clearly he was going for the caster-kill, and this was a good strategy for it. If Jason made even a single opening, Orlando would be there to exploit it. Jason's advantage was numbers. Orlando's advantage was his two small bonejacks and his pair of pistol wraiths. They're incorporeal, so they can only be harmed by magic weapons, and magic weapons aren't common. That means that they're virtually immune to most infantry damage. Also, bonejacks all have an ability called arc node, which lets you cast a spell through them if they're in range of the initial spell. This is great, because his caster was actually three witches and...I still swear its a sea mine. Either way, with three casters, they can belt out a mess of spells, and if they're outside of range, Jason would be hard-pressed to get the caster-kill.

Jason's rangers, threatened by a pistol wraith. As a sniper unit, they were boned. OR ARE THEY?!

Both heavies are on the same size bases, and for all intents and purposes, are pretty close, stat-wise. Why is it that Deathjack's hand is as big as the Defender's ENTIRE BODY!? 

Deathjack charged the Defender, fell short by a half an inch (you're not allowed to measure before you declare charges), and Jason was left to retaliate.

The snipers were threatened by a pistol wraith, which is the restless ghost of a duelist, animated by Cryx dark magic. What are they going to do?!

On Jason's retaliation turn, his Defender roughed the Helljack up, taking out his Cortex, which means that he can no longer be allocated focus from his caster, making him extremely pathetic. Jason then charged with his caster, assuming that a brainless helljack (the Cryx-only version of the heavy warjack) isn't capable of killing his beefy caster. Jason's trenchers then continued to shoot at Orlando's other pistol wraith and bonejack (I think it was the Ripsaw).

In an ironic twist, the motto for the game is "Play like you've got a pair." 

The Rangers ran...like cowards. Seriously, I don't see why neither of them did anything, but I guess I don't have to.

Orlando and his Deathjack targeted Siege Brisbane, and he hit with his first fist attack, missed with his dead right arm, and hit with his horns. When rolling for damage, Deathjack's claws have a P+S (this is his damage, plus the results of two dice) equal to Siege Brisbane's armor, so the results of the dice are straight damage. The horns have a lower P+S, so higher numbers are needed to damage Brisbane. Orlando rolled, on four dice, three 6's and a 5. The odds of that are slim to none, and were just enough to BARELY kill Brisbane, through sheer dumb luck. I think the best part of this was that Orlando would be told "You need a 9 to hit" and his response would always be "I got this." Even when he was told he needed boxcars for the kill, again, he says "I got this" and when he actually DID, he did a victory lap. What an upset.

Game over: CRYX WINS.

Warma-Hordes!

Ok, so the other game I play is Warmachine, but everyone I know who plays it calls it Warma-Hordes, because we can't forget about the Hordes players...or they'll show up when we least want to see them.

Ok, so the setting is the world of Immoren, on the continent of Caen. It was a generic lame D&D world, where elves, dwarves, and humans sometimes went out to go kill things because they look different than themselves. And that was all well and good, until one day when the Orgoth came. I know almost nothing about them, except that they were highly magical in a magic-light world. So the races all banded together and, using dwarf technology, made these things called the colossals, which pushed the Orgoth out of Caen and back to their place...for now. However, necessity is the mother of invention, and technology progressed at a ridiculous rate.

So, the people of Caen have all of this technology sitting around, and they spread themselves into little countries. They form the countries of Ord, Cygnar, Khador, Llael (France-esque), Rhul, and Ios (home of the elves). At one point, part of Cygnar split off from the rest, calling themselves the Protectorate of Menoth, establishing a theocracy devoted to the will of the god of civilization, Menoth. Also at some point, the Trollbloods (a Hordes faction) helped Cygnar with something or another, and earned land to call their own. Also also, at some point Khador swept down and crushed Llael into nothing. Gold cannot buy mercy.

The different factions are amazing and diverse and each player can find at LEAST one that they want to play, typically. I myself have a Khador army, and an army that I won't reveal until the 7th, after our big tournament. If no one knows what I'm bringing to bear, then its that much more likely to do well. But I also have mercenaries to shove into my Khador army. Mercenaries can be bought to bulk up your own guys and patch up weak parts.

So, we start with Warmachine. The "good guy" in Warmachine is Cygnar. They're the "Good old boys," maybe British, maybe American-esque (I think they're British, personally.). They were the ones defending Llael from Khador, but since Llael fell, Khador is now knocking on their door...with axes, while yelling "HERE'S JOHNNY!" Cygnar uses lightning magic, which is great, because it disrupts enemy warjacks. Not as effective against Hordes. They're extremely shooty, and have a tendency to rely on lines of guys with highly accurate rifles, picking off the enemy before they close in, when the enemy jacks get disrupted, making them pathetic, and the Cygnarian infantry does their charge.

The main "bad guy" is Khador. They're unabashedly Russian. Everything about them is big and slow and heavily-armored. Their guys can take an ass-kicking and shrug, then return with their spell "ax-to-face." They're not very shooty, but they can take quite a hit, and have a diverse army. Also, they're douchebags, but that's ok. Almost everyone in this game is some brand of douche or another. To me, it seems they have the most diversity of models, and I see that as a win right there. I mean, the guy with the most options is at an advantage.

Then there is the Protectorate of Menoth. I hate these guys. They seem, to me, to be a sub-par version of Khador. They focus on starting things on fire and denying the enemy things. Lot of synergy with some of their guys, but their flavor bugs me. They're a cross between crusaders and jihadists, and this bugs me enough for me to bring my A-game against them every time. There is no "just for funsies" fight between myself and Menoth. And its NOT that they're religious. I LOVE the flavor of Morrow, the god of good stuff. I think it may be that their casters have a tendency to look like the Pope, and I personally think the Pope is a bit of a douche.

The Cryx are wonderful. I love their flavor. The island of undead, haven for the worst of pirates. They specialize in assassination and corrosion. I hate fighting against them, because they have a slew of negative buffs (-2 to all stats and the like), many have stealth (so you can only shoot at them if you're within 6 inches, regardless of your weapon's range), and janky (that means awesome and probably cheatyface) spells that give them the ability to walk THROUGH terrain and people and the like. But, they're a glass cannon. The hurt bad, they're hard to hit, but they break like its their job. ALso, their leader is a GOD DAMN DRAGON. He's the dragon father, Toruk, and he's specifically looking for his spawn, so he can kill them and consume their power back.

The Retribution of Scyrah is a faction of elves who live in the woods, accept no trespassers, and are currently in crisis-mode. Long ago, the elves summoned their gods into the world.Gods react poorly to being summoned, and the capital of Ios couldn't handle it. When the gods walked out of their realm, the elf capital (full of elves) exploded, killing virtually everyone there. Their gods are not immortal, and they started to diminish. At this point, there are two gods left. One of which is currently in an induced coma (and had to be stolen BACK from Khador...they stole a GOD), and the other is frozen in a block of ice (by the nyss, a race of elves living in the frigid northern areas. The Retribution is convinced that their gods are dying because human warcasters and warlocks are draining their power. Elves in this world reincarnate their souls into newborn bodies when they die, and since the gods are waning, more and more elves are being born without souls...thus they're out to kill everyone who's not them who does magic.

The mercenaries are diverse. Some are pirates, some are dwarves, some are simply rough-and-tumble men with a taste for violence. They use retired Cygnar warjacks (which are still nothing to sneeze at) as their muscle.

Then there's Hordes. The "good guy" from Hordes is the Trollbloods. They're Scottish themed, and they've got the diversity to be a great army, but they're just not for me. They kind of bore me, to be honest. They do all kinds of magic, and have some cool things, and their big guys are super awesome, but they're just...my army. You know? They have some of the jankiest, coolest abilities in the game, and all of their guys are mandatorily "tough" which means that, when they die, you roll a single dice, and on a 5 or 6, they're not dead, and keep doing their thing. One-in-three chance to negate death? AWESOME!

The Legion of Everblight is run by Toruk the Dragon-Father's most clever of children, Everblight. Everblight started off, immediately, by finding the capital of the elves and moving in. Then he used his own blood to create dragonspawn. He's AMAZING at it, able to manipulate his own blood into dozens of violent, savage shapes. One day, several centuries later,  the elves realized that there was a dragon of deific power living beneath their city, and sent everyone into the caverns to kill him. This would be the equivalent of finding out the Cthulhu lived in the sewers of Manhattan. At great cost, they killed Everblight and his spawn, and hid his athanc (which I guess is like a soul, if it crystallized) in the mountains. Then Everblight hung out for a few centuries. Like a lot of them. And eventually he got the attention of a young ogrun (see: ogre) slave named Thagrosh. He convinced Thagrosh that he would gain the dragon's power if he became one with Everblight. So he stabbed himself in the heart with the crystallized dragon soul, and the two fused. Then he quickly took over the ogrun and the nearby nyss, corrupting them. As the Legion of Everblight gathers more generals, Everblight fuses with them too, forming a telepathic network. His only hope is that Toruk doesn't realize that Everblight doesn't have a physical body...

The Circle Orboros is a pretty sweet group too, being a druid circle living in the woods. They accept no trespassers either, as they fight the expanse of civilization, trying to maintain balance between civilization and nature. They're followers of the Devourer Wurm, Orboros. They make their own stone elementals to bring to fights, but also bring in various woodland creatures and their own human supporters. The group plays in a very hit-and-run type style. They barrage people under a hail of arrows, hiding and moving in the woods, where most people are extremely slow. They have some of the most terrifying assassins in the game, and I am EXTREMELY jealous. I would likely be playing them if my lady-friend were not doing so first. However, since its her first minis game, I get to play with the books, to tell her the most horrifying combinations out there. Hopefully she figures it out. I have confidence.

The last "official" faction is the Skorne. They're some kind of corrupted evil elf-looking things, and they have an empire that resembles the Persian empire. They have these big elephant-looking things, and their lights are cyclops. The cyclops savage is the most terrifying thing in the game, in my opinion. You have the option of rolling the dice BEFORE you figure out if you want to boost the attack, which means that if you miss by two, you know to boost that one...If you miss by nine, don't bother. I like this faction, but there are some things I hate. Their style, first of all, is way too angular. Not every person needs spikes on their armor. Also, one of their units is a calf from the elephant-type things, except that its been tortured. I have moral issues with that...

The last ACTUAL faction is the minions. The minions are like mercenaries for Hordes players. There are two groups thusfar: The Blindwater Congregation and the Thornfall Alliance Minion Pact. The first one is gatormen, and the second is pig people. Both are kind of cool, but really small armies, with maybe ten different models in the whole group. For either faction. And there's a lot of overlap. However, they also have all of the cool utility solos and such. Now most factions can hire Alten Ashley, the big game hunter with the elephant gun, as he's a minion/mercenary.

Sorry for the huge text-dump, but I figure people would like to know who is who. I personally find their motives to be awesome. So many times two people have set up the table to realize that their casters are the Ash and Gary Oak of the game, hating each other more than they have ever loved anything. And those players tend to get into it, which is awesome to watch. A good backstory makes a good game great, in my opinion. You're not just cramming two groups of meat together, you're on a mission, whether it be invasion, defense of your homeland, punishment on trespassers, or just good old-fashioned dick-headedness.

You know what? I'll just have more pictures.

The Warhammer World.

This is mostly backstory to the games I play, so no one is entirely lost as to what I'm saying.

So, the games I play are Warhammer fantasy, and Warmachine. I also play some Mordheim from time to time. Each one is different, and here I'll give a brief description of each world, why I like it, what I play, and all of that jazz. I don't play Warhammer 40K. Honestly, it seems cool, but each game takes several hours

Mordheim and Warhammer take place in the same world, Albion. Albion is a world torn into two directions: law and chaos. Virtually no faction in the game is "good" though many are outright evil. And that's not a bad thing, in my opinion. I'm opposed to this idea that one guy has to be the evil orcs and the other has to be the righteous who-the-hell-evers. The world of Albion is like Earth in the renaissance. Men and dwarves have gunpowder weapons, while orcs and lizardmen (who look meso-American) use the most primitive of weapons. Beastmen haunt the forests, orc hordes gather and tear themselves apart with regularity, dwarves are slowly dying off, as their fortresses are slipping away to relentless assault from goblins and all kinds of other things, and they refuse to change their tactics, being bound by tradition. The elves are either living in a forest that bends the laws of time and space, or living on an island in a state of perpetual civil war. The humans live all over, but the two main groups are the Empire, and the Bretonnians. The Empire uses renaissance technology and various fantasy creatures. The Bretonnians are classic knights, riding horses, and backed by peasants. Meanwhile, demons spew out from chaos gates at the poles, which also warp the locals, who are prone to raiding anyway. The skaven, cruel rat-people, live beneath the world, doing what they do. And in the cursed land of Sylvania (guess where this is going) the undead crawl out of their graves, bent to the will of the local vampires.

The thing I like about Albion is their historical randomness. I mean, every world borrows from our own, taking interesting concepts and seeing what they can make them do. But there is no "British" faction, and I love this. The Bretonnians are French-like, the Empire is Germany-like, and that's that. The world has a crazy history too, with lizardmen being created to do the will of "the Old Ones" who created the world as they see it, planting various species found elsewhere in the universe on a single planet. The orcs were a native fungal species, but they spread by spores released from their bodies when they die, and as such, their entire society is based on fighting. Fighting for land, fighting for food, fighting for literally no reason...orcs win at orc life when orcs fight. And if they die, then at least they weren't defeated. Orcs are stupid.

Mordheim is a game based on a single city in Albion. Backstory first. The Empire was established by Sigmar, who is sort of like Jesus, if Jesus wielded a hammer and was also Conan the Barbarian. Sigmar united the tribes and pushed out the orcs, making alliances with the elves and dwarves, before finally leaving his own empire for parts unknown. His birth was heralded by a twin-tailed comet. Mordheim was a city that, one night, found a comet over their heads. They assumed Sigmar was going to come again, so everyone gathered at Mordheim, waiting for the day...but the day never came, and the people got bored, so they went back to their "sinnin' ways." Then the comet struck the city, and lots of people died. The city became ruins almost overnight, and most living people left, because the comet was made of warpstone, which is a valuable  material for most dark magic. The key word there is "valuable." That's where the game starts. Each player has a team of mercenaries, and during their duration in the city of Mordheim, they gather as much loot as they can, fighting where they must.

I LOVE this game, and I love that its campaign-based. When one of your guys goes down in combat, you roll one dice if he's a minion, and two if he's a hero. If he's a minion, he either lives or dies, but his odds of dying are higher than those of heroes. If he's a hero, you roll on the injury table, meaning that he may be fine, or he may lose an arm for the rest of the campaign. He may have been killed, or captured by the enemy, or sold to the fighting pits, or even driven mad. The idea that you suffer permanently for bad luck is great, because its kind of realistic. And the deaths of heroes are almost always awesome.